dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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