How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
