I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
