I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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