I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
