i just wanna soil my oats bro
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
