I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
