He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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