just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
