Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
