I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He? As in you personified your dick?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
