I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
