Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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