I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Randomize
