I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
