I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
