I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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