Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize