You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
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