Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Randomize
