Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
