this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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