Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
