I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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