its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
