i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I can't turn off my feet"
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize