Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
