Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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