ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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