Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
