If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
