I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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