Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
