But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
