I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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