Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
