My hair reeks of homosexuality.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
