new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
