mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
