In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
