She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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