Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
