I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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