College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
