Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
