my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Did you just see the Batmobile???
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
