I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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