I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
