I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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