so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
