just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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