Betty ford says i'm here all night
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
