just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize