now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
