He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
