Even water is tasting like jack daniels
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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