You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
