Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I think your dad took our porno
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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