can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
