their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
