I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
