im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
In America we eat man semen.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
