I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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