I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
