Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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