I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize