I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
