the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
