i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
