never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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